A Look Inside the Writer’s Room for the 2024 Notre Dame Football Season

It’s all scripted, just like pro wrestling, so here’s how (I imagine) it played out before the season

HEAD WRITER: Alright, people, history is written by the conquerors, and we’re holding the pen. So, let’s start brainstorming. How does the 2025 Notre Dame football season play out?

*Crickets*

HEAD WRITER: What’s wrong? No ideas.

WRITER 1: Well, no. It’s just, you see…

WRITER 2: It’s a little late for brainstorming because we sent the studio execs a first draft, except somebody forgot to label it a draft and now it’s already been greenlit.

WRITER 3: I said I was sorry, OK! I got distracted because I had another gig writing the script for Vanderbilt’s season and was drafting their win over Alabama.

*A moment of dumbfounded silence*

HEAD WRITER: And what were you two doing while this happened?

WRITER 1: I was watching Sun Bowl highlights on repeat.

WRITER 2: I was seeing my therapist. I keep having recurring nightmares of D.J. Brown dropping that interception against Ohio State.

HEAD WRITER: Ugh, this makes me wish the writer’s strike had never ended. *Sigh* Fine, I guess it can’t be changed now. Just tell me what you put together.

WRITER 1: Well, it’s year three as head coach for Marcus Freeman, so we decided Notre Dame should make the national championship.

HEAD WRITER: Woah, woah, woah. Multiple problems. First, did you forget that this is the first year of the College Football Playoff’s 12-team format? I mean, how realistic is it that a team that can’t get a first-round bye can even get to that point.

WRITER 2: That’s the beauty of it. It’s been three years since the NCAA essentially stopped policing NIL and the transfer portal, which has given middle-of-the-pack Power 4 teams and perennial second-tier powers enough time to siphon talent away from hoarders like Georgia and Alabama.

WRITER 1: And don’t forget the cliffhanger in last season’s finale: Nick Saban’s retired. Now, there’s suddenly a power vacuum Notre Dame can take advantage of.

HEAD WRITER: Alright, sure, but this is Notre Dame and Marcus Freeman we’re talking about. I mean, only the best coaches get to the national championship in year 3. It was kind of a stretch for us to send Brian Kelly there, especially with that team. I mean, it strained suspension of disbelief to script that team to an undefeated regular season. And don’t get me started on someone’s idea to throw in a fake dead girlfriend side plot.

WRITER 3: (with unwarranted pride) But did it get ratings or what?

HEAD WRITER: Never mind, that’s water under the bridge. The point still stands that year 3 is when we separate the wheat from the chaff, and Freeman looked pretty chaff in the duds his teams put up the first two years. I mean, Marshall and Stanford? Louisville and Clemson? I know he’s a first-time head coach, but c’mon.

WRITER 2: But that’s the best part. All that doubt is going to come to head because they’re gonna make the title game in a season where they open with a win on the road against a talented SEC team followed immediately by a repeat of Marshall.

HEAD WRITER: Oh, dear God… Please tell me you didn’t.

WRITER 3: Yep! Northern Illinois, 16-14 loss. We would have come up with a more original score, but we wanted to draw an extra parallel with the 2022 Stanford game to really get the fans feeling like time is a flat circle. It’ll enhance the existential dread.

HEAD WRITER: I would fire you if your father didn’t own this company. *Sigh* So, I probably don’t even need to ask, but the wide receiver room?

WRITER 1: Overhyped by the media in the preseason yet again.

HEAD WRITER: And Riley Leonard?

WRITER 2: At the start of the year he’s gonna look like Tyler Buchner 2.0. But just the Ohio State/Marshall version, not the wacky Gator Bowl version.

WRITER 1: He’ll throw two picks against the Huskies, one of which is the most outrageously underthrown ball you’ve ever seen. We’ll leave it to the imagination how much he struggled because of injury, but cone of silence, he was definitely too banged up to keep playing.

HEAD WRITER: Then why not put Steve Angeli in? Beyond the fact he’s a fan favorite, isn’t that the whole reason we renewed his character this season? And isn’t the receiver issue the whole reason we killed off Chansi Stuckey’s character?

WRITER 1: Don’t worry, we have Angeli playing a crucial but ultimately underrated part in the beating Penn State in the Orange Bowl when Leonard goes out temporarily in concussion protocol.

WRITER 2: And that’ll be the first time a wide receiver gets Notre Dame over the hump in a game all year. We drew straws and picked Jaden Greathouse’s character to get the spotlight.

HEAD WRITER: Plot holes, people! You’re telling me Angeli rights the ship in a College Football Playoff Semifinal with the season on the line but the staff won’t pull Leonard for him against a MAC opponent?

WRITER 3: Actually, NIU joins the Mountain West by season’s end.

HEAD WRITER: We are going to stage an intervention for you at some point. Look, what is the point of this loss?

WRITER 1: Partly to show how the 12-team Playoff gives teams second chances, partly for character building for Freeman, partly to give some stakes to Peacock’s documentary of the season. But, mostly, we’re trying to make a certain blogger look really stupid by season’s end. He’s going to call into question the decision to bring in Leonard and Freeman’s overall outlook as Notre Dame head coach after the Miami (OH) game, and it will age very poorly.

HEAD WRITER: It sure sounds like it. But enough NIU talk already.

WRITER 2: Well, you better get ready for a lot more of it. We actually have Freeman bringing that loss up to the team every week for the rest of the season. Everyone will still be mentioning it by the national championship game.

HEAD WRITER: I think I’m gonna be sick.

WRITER 1: If it helps, Notre Dame’s opponent in the national championship game will have what their fans view as an equally inexplicable regular season home loss.

HEAD WRITER: Wait, you don’t mean…?

WRITER 2: Yep. Ryan Day sh*ts the bed against Michigan yet again.

HEAD WRITER: But how? I thought Connor Stallions got kicked off the show for legal reasons and joined some high school soap opera’s cast.

WRITER 3: That did happen. This was just a good old-fashioned bed wetting by a $20-million roster against a 6-5 team whose quarterback passes for 62 yards.

HEAD WRITER: Well, it’s not as embarrassing as Northern Illinois, but somehow it makes me feel better. OK, so what happens the rest of the season.

WRITER 1: Well, all the fans are going to forget the middle stretch of the season because of the NIU loss and the lackluster schedule, so do you just want the high points?

HEAD WRITER: Sure, why not?

WRITER 2: Riley Leonard won’t throw a touchdown pass until the fourth game of the season.

HEAD WRITER: Geez, you weren’t lying about Tyler Buchner 2.0…

WRITER 3: Speaking of, now that Buchner’s back in the cast, we have him converting first downs on a fake field goal against Georgia Tech and a fake punt against USC.

HEAD WRITER: Well, use him or lose him, I suppose.

WRITER 1: Army and Navy will be ranked simultaneously during the regular season and arguably be the third and fourth best wins on Notre Dame’s resume.

HEAD WRITER: Appeals to our patriotic viewership, not a terrible idea. Wait, if they’re that good of wins, does that mean Louisville underwhelmed?

WRITER 3: Nope, Florida State falls off a cliff. We thought–

WRITERS 1 & 2: Don’t lump us in with you.

WRITER 3: Fine, I thought it would be super funny after the Seminoles got left out of the Playoff last year and went to court to blame the ACC for diluting its own product if FSU immediately went 2-10 while new ACC member SMU made the CFP right away.

HEAD WRITER: Why would you do that to Notre Dame’s strength of schedule, you–?! You know what, never mind, just keep going.

WRITER 1: We have a cameo from the Capitol One Guy in the Orange Bowl

HEAD WRITER: (genuinely impressed) No sh*t? Well I’ll be damned, I thought he was out of our budget. Go on.

Sam Navarro-Imagn Images

WRITER 2: Uh, we have a weather delay during a thrashing of Stanford.

HEAD WRITER: Don’t care. Anything else.

WRITER 1: Mitch Jeter gets a groin injury and Notre Dame finishes the regular season with the worst field goal kicking percentage in the country.

HEAD WRITER: *incoherent frustrated mumbling*

WRITER 3: Oh, yeah, and speaking of injuries, they’ll lose Benjamin Morrison, Jordan Botelho, Boubacar Traore and Ashton Craig to season-ending injuries. Howard Cross III will miss the end of the regular season with an ankle injury. And Jason Onye had to leave the cast mid-season for personal reasons.

HEAD WRITER: What is wrong with you?! There’s no way they can plausibly make the national championship with all of those personnel losses.

WRITER 3: Oh, just you wait. It’ll be even more unbelievable when they beat Georgia and Penn State in the Playoff after losing Rylie Mills for the year in the first round against Indiana. Oh, and then they put Charles Jagusah on the O-Line for the first time all season against the Nittany Lions.

HEAD WRITER: Indiana? A Playoff team? That’s the most unbelievable thing you’ve pitched this entire meeting. How the hell did that greenlit?

WRITER 1: Ever heard of jumping the shark?

HEAD WRITER: Alright, I think I’ve heard enough. Any more of your plot twists and I think I’ll have an ulcer. Hopefully we’ll get picked up for a 2025 season after how batsh*t crazy this one’s about to be.

WRITER 2: Don’t worry. After the cathartic high of vanquishing Georgia and Penn State in back-to-back major bowls to get that 31-year monkey off their back, there’s no way the studio won’t want to run it back.

WRITER 1: This season’s going to make Freeman a star. They’ll have to up the ante on his contract to keep him from joining

WRITER 2: Bet you that Chicago Bears sitcom takes a run at him.

HEAD WRITER: I hope you’re right. Well, I’d say good meeting, but that’d be a stretch. So, “meeting.” See you all tomorrow.

WRITER 3: Wait, don’t you want to know how it all ends in the title game?

HEAD WRITER: (bracing for whatever curveball they’ll throw next) Alright, yeah, tell me how it ends?

*CUTS TO BLACK like the end of The Sopranos*