“But leave me to my own absurdity, leave me to suffer this – dreadful thing. I will suffer nothing as great as death without glory.” Antigone by Sophocles of Athens
0-10.
That’s the losing streak for Notre Dame in Major/Alliance/Coalition/BCS/New Years Six Bowl Games. It’s been over thirty years. This streak has been an albatross around the neck/monkey on the back/snake dangling from the teat. It has sucked. Despite these bowl games losing prestige over the years, the specter of the streak has lingered. Notre Dame can’t beat the big boys in the big match ups. It’s an ethos many Irish haters have adopted and they readily point to this streak as primary evidence. It doesn’t help that most of these contests have been miserable affairs. How bad? Ryan Day, Bob Stoops, Lincoln Riley and James Franklin our envious of the Irish’s incompetence in these games. So to temper your expectations of the upcoming tilt with Georgia appropriately, here are those ten contests with the lowlights highlighted.
1995 IBM O S/2 Fiesta Bowl vs Colorado (AKA the most boring sponsor for a bowl game ever bowl)
Highlight: Notre Dame’s future multi-time Heisman Trophy Winner would toss 3 TDs and 259 passing yards. Notre Dame also wore Kelly green jerseys and looked good doing it.
Lowlight: Notre Dame allowed nearly 250 yards rushing and 4 TDs on the ground. Actual Heisman Trophy Winner Kordell Stewart accounted for 369 total yards and made the Irish defense look silly.
Ominous Quote: “We can come back and we plan on it.” Lou Holtz at halftime down 31-10. The man known for reverse psychology opted for optimism. Never a good sign.
Bonuslight: Notre Dame was 6-4-1. Yes, that record afforded Notre Dame an invite to a major bowl game. Kalen DeBoer should have brushed this game off to justify Alabama’s inclusion into the playoffs.
1996 FedEx Orange Bowl vs Florida State (AKA Pay extra and maybe you’ll get it on time bowl)
Highlight: Thomas Krug – standing in for injured 3 time Heisman Trophy Winner Ron Powlus – threw 3 TDs and the Irish held a 26-14 lead with less than 12 minutes to go.
Lowlight: Danny Kannell subsequently threw 2 touchdowns and took back the lead and never relinquished. We get to hear Kannell troll about it for the rest of his life.
Ominous quotes: “I don’t think there’s any doubt that we got worn down,” Lou Holtz probably projecting about his own career at Notre Dame.
Bonuslight: Pat Haden called this game. I wonder if this is how he got the Notre Dame gig?
2001 Tostitos Fiesta Bowl vs Oregon State (AkA the only sponsorship for a bowl that has ever made sense)
Highlight: Notre Dame only trailed 12-3 at the half. Also, Oregon State broke the record for most penalties and penalty yards, but that’s kind of depressing when you consider…
Lowlight: Notre Dame got outscored 29-0 in the 3rd quarter. Keep in mind that future Chad Ochocinco and TJ Houshmandza were on this team.
Ominous Quote: “The Fighting Irish on offense directed by the poised 18 year old freshman from Franklin Lakes, New Jersey, Matt LoVecchio,” The ESPN announcer at the beginning of the game. Matt would never have another poised performance in his career.
Bonuslight: This was ESPN’s first broadcast of Notre Dame in a major bowl game. Maybe this is why they’ve had so much hate for us throughout the years.
2006 Tostitos Fiesta Bowl vs that team from Ohio (State University) (AKA another OSU, another beatdown. But at least there’s chips and salsa)
Highlight: Darius Walker ran for 3 TDs and 90 yards on 16 carries, making you wonder why the Irish chose to throw the ball 45 times!!! Also, the Irish blocked 2 field goals so the special teams did their part.
Lowlight: The Irish surrendered over 600 yards to the Buckeye offense and made them look like they had that SEC Speed for it was a part of the lexicon of college football.
Ominous Quote: “That was THE play…I hope your guy upstairs was right because that change the whole complexion of the game,” Charlie Weis exposing his ass as complainer and excuse maker long before we figured that one out. THE play was in reference to a fumble recovery for a TD by Tom Zbikowski that got overturned as an incompletion. It was probably the right call.
Bonuslight: Brady Quinn’s sister wore a split jersey of her brother and Ohio State’s A J Hawk, who she was dating. Not Brady! She dated Hawk, sicko. She later married him. Yes, Brady. She married Brady.
2007 Allstate Sugar Bowl vs LSU (AKA the President Palmer from 24 Bowl)
Highlight: Notre Dame played like they had been there before in the first half. The defense held up for 29 minutes and the offense got just enough to have the game tied up right before half
Lowlight: with one minute left in the 2nd quarter, LSU QB and future Hall of Famer Jamarcus Russel ran the ball in to put the Tigers up for good. The whole second half was a disaster. It’s as though Charlie Weis let loose a fart so profound in the locker room that it zapped the team of its energy.
Ominous Quote: “We’ve got to turn the corner. Right now, we’re just a nice, solid team. That won’t cut it. We want to be an upper-echelon team.” Charlie Weis right before he guided Notre Dame into the offseason that would produce 2007.
Bonuslight: The fawning praise for Jamarcus Russel after the game is hilarious in retrospect. Never would a player give less of two fucks about anything after he signed that contract with the Raiders.
2013 Discover BCS National Championship Game vs Alabama (AKA the credit card your twice divorced uncle uses to pay his alimony bowl)
Highlight: Everett Golson threw for nearly 300 yards, Davaris Daniels got over 100 yards receiving and T J Jones nearly had 100 yards. Sure most of that came after the game was decided, but it’s pretty good against a Saban defense.
Lowlight: The entire game. Did you watch it? Did you see the absolute abomination that occurred that day. I’m surprised the Pope didn’t declare a national day of mourning after this thing.
Ominous Quote: “The first two minutes are going to be crucial,” Brian Kelly with a weird facial expression and Bahstun accent right before the opening kickoff (it was as pitiful as his faux southern accent is now). They were BK. They were.
Bonuslight: Brent Musburger perving on AJ McCarron’s girlfriend
2016 Battlefrog Fiesta Bowl vs Ohio State (AKA what kind of money laundering scheme is this bowl)
Highlight: Deshone Kizer, Josh Adams and Will Fuller all had good days. Great for them not getting into trouble
Lowlight: Several Notre Dame players were suspended before the game including Terry Jillery and future felon Max Redfield. C J Prosise didn’t make it back from injury either. Jaylon Smith got injured in the game and nearly cost him his career. Joey Bosa Tried to break Kizer’s sternum with his head, but thankfully got tossed for targeting. It was a really sour shitty game is what I’m saying.
Ominous Quote: “I feel pretty good about where we’re going,” Kelly says before clinching his teeth before saying “we were short handed but not outmanned.” This is right before he guided the Irish into the offseason that would produce 2016.
2018 Goodyear Cotton Bowl Classic vs Clemson (AKA if the final score doesn’t kill you, the shitty tires your dad put on the car will bowl)
Highlight: Everything before Julian Love got knocked out of the game.
Lowlight: Everything after Julian Love got knocked out of the game. It really makes you wonder how clean a man Dabo Swinney really is? Maybe I should update that villain list.
Ominous Quote: “We’re still being compared to what happened in 2012, fair or unfair,” Brian Kelly prior to getting beat down by Clemson. By 27 points. The Irish lost to Alabama by…27 points.
Bonuslight: Kirby Smart got to crow about the Irish not deserving to be in the playoff, but it doesn’t change the fact that Georgia didn’t make the playoff. And they wouldn’t for another 3 seasons. They also lost to Texas in the Sugar Bowl. Basically, I’m saying fuck Kirby and his Awe Shucks bullshit.
2021 Rose Bowl presented by Capital One vs Alabama (AKA Legal Robbery Bowl)
Highlight: Notre Dame’s second quarter TD showed that the Irish could push around a big dog. They held the ball for over 8 minutes and punched it in from the 1 on 4th down. Past ND teams would have wilted. Also, somehow the Irish had 139 rushing yards to Alabama’s 140. Pretty, pretty, pretty good.
Lowlight: Notre Dame’s inability to cover any of the Alabama receivers, but especially Devonta Smith. Dude scored enough points to beat the Irish by himself.
Ominous Quote: “I really don’t want to continue to go down this path,” Brian Kelly said with a huge sigh of frustration. The response was in reference to be asking about the frustrations of getting to major postseason games and getting wrecked. However, I’d like to think subconsciously he was already checking out as the ND coach and planning his escape plan.
Bonuslight: Sean McDonough called this game. He also called the 1996 Orange Bowl (with the sexiest combover you ever saw), the 2001 Fiesta Bowl (this time foregoing the swoop combover but keeping the sides, a last gasp of his former youth), the 2018 Cotton Bowl (now going with the full cue ball, a look that he also sported in this contest). The man has been involved in 4 of these car crashes. He was also the lead announcer in this last contest.
2022 Playstation Fiesta Bowl vs Oklahoma State University (AKA The PS2 is still better than whatever number they have come out with bowl)
Highlight: Notre Dame came out on fire and it looked like the Irish had finally turned the page with this new hire in Marcus Freeman. With a 28-7 lead and only a minute to go in the half, the Irish can finally get this monkey off their back. What’s that you say? OK State just scored a touchdown before the half. Whatever, we’ve got this…
Lowlight: Mike Elston clearly had his bags packed at 28-7, because the Irish defense never played another solid down of football the rest of the game. OK State University erasing the Irish lead in the 3rd quarter made you questions your sanity and whether Freeman was up to this job.
Ominous Quote: “I want to be in an environment where I have the resources to win a National Championship,” Brian Kelly on why he left Notre Dame.
Bonuslight: This is the only game since the commencement of the 2017 (BK 2.0) season where the Irish scored 30+ points and lost.
And that’s it. The tragic road of sorrows that Notre Dame has traveled over 30 years. It’s had some highlights (and some of those were stretches) and lots of lowlights and more than a few absurdities. But now we’re at the precipice once more. I know the Indiana win was great, but it wasn’t a bowl game. It was a game in our stadium against a team that has already moved on to basketball. This next game. It’s the real deal. Will the Irish finally break through or find themselves walled up in despair again? Only time will tell.