Notre Dame Football: The 2024 Opponent All-Name Team

Happy Bye Week Friday, y’all — here’s a bunch of awesome names on 2024 ND opponent rosters for your reading pleasure as we move into November

Happy Friday, friends!!!

As you are well aware (because of the lack of unexplained dread hanging over you as we head into the weekend), the Notre Dame Fighting Irish football team is once again on a bye week this week, which means there was no Opponent Q&A for me to put together.

Instead, with Halloween having just happened yesterday, I figured instead of doing another boring Bye Week Q&A with myself, I would both trick and treat you all to a special piece I like to do every year — identifying the best names on ND’s opponents’ rosters!!!

I combed through all 12 rosters of the Irish’s 2024 schedule to identify the best and brightest names those programs have to offer, and in honor of today’s feast day, I have to say that the parents of these individuals are ALL SAINTS for choosing to pass along such incredible names to their sons. We owe all of them a heaping plate of gratitude on this wonderful fall Friday as we dive headlong into Thanksgiving month.

With that said, I have put together a 1st Team, 2nd Team, 3rd Team, and a group of Honorable Mention names to show you — but first, I want to give some special shout-outs/superlatives to some very specific names I discovered during this process. So, let’s jump into those really quick.

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Most Likely to Sound Like Generic Player Names in a Video Game Where The Athlete Didn’t Agree to Give Their NIL to the Game

• Julius Person, CB, Navy
• Brent Self, CB, Navy

What Chicago Bulls Fans Feel

• Jordan Pride, DB, Texas A&M

Most Likely to Say “This Shit is Bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S”

• Ben Hollerbach, DB, Georgia Tech

Arch-Nemesis of Beloved Halloween Hero “Adam Treat”

• Adam Trick, LB, Miami Ohio

Where Should We Sit at the Beach Here on Spring Break in Destin, Florida?

• Destin Cheirs, DB, Louisville

Most Likely to Make You Say, “I am old and washed as hell, dear God”

• Peter Warrick Jr., DB, Florida State

If Peeing Your Pants is Cool, Consider Me:

• Myles Davis, DB, Texas A&M

Most Likely to Have Been Nicknamed “Poo Poo” and Various Variations of That in Elementary School

• Solomon Tuliaupupu, DE, USC

What Your Friend Nathan Bernadel Got Nicknamed in Middle School in 2004 In a Very Not PC Era for 12-Year-Olds

• Gaethan Bernadel, LB, Stanford

What Middle School Patriots Fans in the Same Era Would Say About Peyton Manning

• Peyton Gay, QB, Texas A&M

Most Likely to Praise the Wine in a Transylvanian/Vampire Accent

• William Goodvine III, DL, Miami Ohio

What They Call Evans When He’s Dealin’

• Dealyn Evans, DL, Texas A&M

When You Ask How Frequently Ramon Occurs

• Ramon Puryear, DL, Louisville

When You’re Sarcastically Nicknaming Your Buddy Corey, Who Is Never Understated and Always Obvious

• Corey Suttle, DL, Miami Ohio

Most Likely to Be President

• Michael Whitehouse, OT, Navy

Most Likely to Be A Former President

• Benjamin Franklin, Raider, Navy

Name Most Likely to Sound Like a Disease

• George Sklavenitis, DL, Florida State

When Joey’s Been Snitchin’

• Joey Rattin, LB, Northern Illinois

Most Likely to LMFAO, ROFL, and Just Generally Chuckle

• Luke Laughter, LB, Georgia Tech

Most Likely to Be Awarded to Help Stimulate the Economy or Something

• Job Grant, LB, Navy

“____________, I hardly Peyton Know Her!”

• Peyton Naylor, LB, Florida State

“____________, I hardly Josh Know Him!”

• Josh Beetham, TE, Georgia Tech

Most Likely to Help Develop the Atomic Bomb

• Sam Oppenheimer, LB, Army

Most Likely to Be Money On the Field, Until He Encounters Someone Who Cooks Him

• Adam Cash, LB, Army + Cayden Cook-Cash, LB, Virginia

When You’re in Possession of Some Sap

• Holden Sapp, LB, Army

More Free Than Henry Free but Not Quite as Free as Henry Freest

• Henry Freer, LS, Georgia Tech

More Rude Than Joshua Rude but Not Quite as Rude as Joshua Rudest

• Joshua Ruder, OL, Georgia Tech

Better Than Both Brandon Good and Brandon Better

• Brandon Best, OL, Georgia Tech

I Swear This Is the Last One: More Brash Than Jacob Brash but Less Brash Than Jacob Brashest

• Jacob Brasher, WR, Texas A&M

This Poor Guy Had No Choice But to Join the Armed Forces

• Ryan Snipes, LS, Army

It’s Crazy He Had a Kid at Age 11 and Still Played at ND — I Assume The Admiral Raised This Kid?

• Corey Robinson II, OL, Georgia Tech

Photo by Streeter Lecka/Getty Images

The Most Parrott You Can Be

• Max Parrott, OL, Purdue

Not to Be Confused with Joshua Accounting Jr. or Joshua Logistics Jr.

• Joshua Sales Jr., OL, Purdue

Herb

• Hunter Erb (H. Erb), OL, Texas A&M

When Your Mom Says You Have Donny Darko at Home

• Danny Zarco II, OL, Miami Ohio

When Your Mom Says You Have Jack Kiser at Home

• Jack Kayser, SB, Army

Good Friend of Steven Karkov, Brian Smirnoff, and Joey Kamchatka

• Michael Popov, OL, Miami Ohio

When Gavin Does His Lion Impression

• Gavin Rohrs, OL, Miami Ohio

This Guy Fucks Screws

• Patrick Screws Jr., OL, Georgia Tech

When Ty Decides to Provide Furniture for the House

• Ty Furnish, OL, Virginia

At 6’0” as an Offensive Lineman? Uhh, Yeah I’d Say That’s Accurate

• Brady Small, OL, Army

Most Likely to Be Inadvertently Included in Those Viral Yahoo Answers Questions

• Emmanuel Pregnon, OL, USC

Most Likely to Sell Wagons

• James Wagenseller, P, Army

Most Likely to Get Apples

• Jake Appleget, TE, Northern Illinois

Most Likely to Be a Fictional Superhero From the 1980s

• Armstrong Jones, S, Virginia

What The Opposing Dugout Yells When Blake Squares to Bunt

• Blake Buntyn, WR, Texas A&M

He’s Just Jokin’ (Gimme THAT)

• Adam Kidder, WR, Purdue

Most Likely to Make Me Think of “We Hebben Een Serieus Probleem”

• Owen Van Loben Sels, WR, Stanford

Sounds Like Notable, Which is Notable

• Noah Bull, WR, Navy

Most S’s in a Row in One Name (3, which doesn’t seem like a lot but also seems impossible from a grammar perspective)

• Neo Vossschulte, WR, Army

What Are You Callin’ Him?

• Caullin Lacy, WR, Louisville

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Okay, now time for the main event — below are the 1st Team, 2nd Team, and 3rd Team Opponent All-Name Teams, organized loosely by position into Offense, Defense, and Special Teams lineups (with some liberties taken on numbers, how I combine certain positions, etc.).

I then also have a list of Honorable Mentions that didn’t make the cut but I still felt deserved some recognition for being awesome names.

Please sound off in the comments on your favorites — instead of me writing a bunch of nonsense to explain why I like these names, instead I want a free-flowing, productive Friday discussion in the comment section on why Keyon Mozee or Briggs Bartosh got totally snubbed from the 1st team, etc.

Happy Friday and bye weekend, everyone!!!

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1st Team Offense

• QB: Tony Muskett, Virginia
• FB: Daba Fofana, Navy
• RB: Champ Hampton, Stanford
• SB: Pookie Arterberry, Army
• WR: De’Nylon Morrissette, Purdue
• WR: Cataurus Hicks, Louisville
• WR: Keyshaun Pipkin, Northern Illinois
• TE: Jake Appleget, Northern Illinois
• OL: Ugonna Nnana, Virginia
• OL: Dametrious Crownover, Texas A&M
• OL: Max Parrott, Purdue
• OL: Ransom McDermott, Louisville
• OL: John Champe, Northern Illinois

1st Team Defense

• DL: Shitta Sillah, Purdue
• DL: Chreign LaFond, Navy
• DL: Sylvain Yondjouen, Georgia Tech
• DL: Aristotle Taylor, Stanford
• LB: Luke Laughter, Georgia Tech
• LB: Job Grant, Navy
• “Raider”: Justice Rider, Navy
• “Raider”: Benjamin Franklin, Navy
• DB: Fentrell Cypress II, Florida State
• DB: Kush’i Abraham, Navy
• DB: Smiley Bradford, Purdue
• DB: Kyndrich Breedlove, Purdue
• DB: Ben Hollerbach, Georgia Tech

1st Team Special Teams

• K: Vadin Bruot, Virginia
• P: James Wagenseller, Army
• LS: Ryan Snipes, Army

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2nd Team Offense

• QB: Boone Lourd, Virginia
• RB: Keyon Mozee, Miami Ohio
• SB: Briggs Bartosh, Army
• WR: TyLyric Coleman, Virginia
• WR: Tiger Bachmeier, Stanford
• WR: Elic Ayomanor, Stanford
• TE: Shield Taylor, Stanford
• OL: Grey Rumohr, Northern Illinois
• OL: Patrick Screws Jr., Georgia Tech
• OL: Creedyn Foulger, Navy
• OL: Makhete Gueye, Louisville
• OL: Kolinu’u Faaiu, Texas A&M

2nd Team Defense

• DL: Jamarius Dinkins, Purdue
• DL: Tomiwa Durojaiye, Florida State
• DL: Sirmaine Campbell, Northern Illinois
• DL: Romello Height, Georgia Tech
• DL: William Goodvine III, Miami Ohio
• LB: Scooby Williams, Texas A&M
• LB: Jaden Dolphin, Northern Illinois
• LB: Tevarua Tafiti, Stanford
• DB: Botros Alisandro, Purdue
• DB: Jam Jackson, Virginia
• DB: Greedy Vance Jr., USC
• DB: Terry Bussey, Texas A&M
• DB: Giuseppe Sessi, Navy
• DB: Armstrong Jones, Virginia

2nd Team Special Teams

• K: Dom Dzioban, Miami Ohio
• P: Truette Tumey, Texas A&M
• LS: Claude Strnad, Purdue

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3rd Team Offense

• QB: Gage Roy, USC
• RB: Trey Tremba, Army
• SB: Prosper Akanna, Navy
• WR: Mudia Reuben, Stanford
• WR: Trevor Ladd, Virginia
• WR: Kroy Myers, Navy
• TE: Dakota Twitty, Virginia
• OL: Kalolo Ta’aga, USC
• OL: LaNard Toney, Florida State
• OL: Bakyne Coly, Purdue
• OL: Reuben Fatheree II, Texas A&M
• OL: McKale Boley, Virginia

3rd Team Defense

• DL: Gabriel Brownlow-Dindy, Texas A&M
• DL: Bear Alexander, USC
• DL: Kobe Pepe, USC
• DL: Nana Appouh, Virginia
• DL: Mo Omonode, Purdue
• LB: Trenilyas Tatum, Georgia Tech
• LB: Anson Pulsipher, Stanford
• LB: Jonorian Foots, Georgia Tech
• DB: Jshawn Frausto-Ramos, Stanford
• DB: D’Mon Marable, Purdue
• DB: Destin Cheirs, Louisville
• DB: Jaylen’Dai Sumlin, Stanford

3rd Team Special Teams

• K: Nestor Andrade, Navy
• P: Kellen Grave de Peralta, Navy
• LS: Hank Pepper, USC

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Honorable Mention

• QB: DJ Uiagalelei, Florida State
• QB: Dallas Dunn III, Navy
• RB: Woody Marks, USC
• RB: Tito Glass Jr., Miami Ohio
• TE: Lake McRee, USC
• TE: London Laskey, Army
• TE: Nollen Tabaska, Army
• OL: Gino Quinones, USC
• LB: Jake Gassaway, Northern Illinois
• LB: Yanni Karlaftis, Purdue
• LB: Adam Trick, Miami Ohio
• LB: Gaethan Bernadel, Stanford
• LB: Christian Yousefzadeh, Army
• DB: Zahran Manley, Stanford
• DB: Amariyun Knighten, Northern Illinois
• DB: Kempton Shine, Virginia
• DB: Prophet Brown, USC
• DB: Layne Gerke, Texas A&M
• DB: Gino Blasini, Texas A&M
• DB: Azareye’h Thomas, Florida State
• DB: Santana Banner, Northern Illinois
• DB: Anthony Beavers Jr., USC
• LS: Rayne Fry
• K/P: Alex Bevelhimer, Miami Ohio